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March 07, 2016



I am no good at James Bond movies. But here is a recent piece about cheating with Bridge, with big data angle:

Cheating at Professional Bridge

Interesting article on detecting cheaters in professional bridge using big-data analysis.

Basically, a big part of the game is the communication of information between the partners. But only certain communications channels are permitted. Cheating involves partners sending secret signals to each other.

The results of this can be detected by analyzing lots of games the partners play. If they consistently make plays that should turn out badly based on the information they should know, but end up turning out well given the actual distribution of the cards, then we know that some sort of secret signaling is involved.


OK. A few improvements to my stuff (I rushed it yesterday)
The prison scene:
Trump's speech:
Listen guys, my name is Donald Trump. I've lost my golden fleece but I still have great words, the best words in the world. I will make Alcatraz great again. You should be grateful for having me here...
One of the roommates smiles and rudely interrupts him:
Oh, you have no idea how glad we are. Make no mistake, the fact that you and I are in the same cell is not a coincidence. My name is Joaquin Guzman. Friends call me El Chapo. Welcome to our little room. These are my associates Alfredo Vasquez-Hernandez and Margarito and Pedro Flores and they will make sure you will grasp the full meaning of the word "rapist".


For the barber scene in the prison:
Trump's line goes:
I beg of you, stop! This is not ordinary hair. This is a brand. It's worth 3.3 B, for Christ's sake!
For the torture scene (Ivanka and Bond)
scratch: "It's a secret Trump family tradition, passed from parents to children."
and add a line for Ivanka: "I'll show you what Trump torture is like and you'll learn the hard way"


Sorry but I can't see Trump playing bridge. Maybe poker, but not bridge. "Snap" would be a good game (or some other game for kindergarten kids).
I was thinking about scene where they pledge allegiance to Donald Trump. Maybe we can insert a big wallpaper with the two hammers logo (as in Pink Floyd's "The Wall") and make the speech sound like the dictator's speech in The Wall, and maybe some marching hammers.

Tomi T Ahonen

cornelius great points. I see yes T won't be a bridge player. Totally now see it..

lets work on now the 'second half' of the movie kind of past where script is and towards the ending you've well sketched, so our other contribtors can also find places to join ad help. We should be having again some 'interesting' plot twists butting into the story, based on a few conversations I had with people who I think will join with a comment or few, today

Tomi :-)

Sitaram Shastri

@Tomi, I haven't read the script yet, but you gotta fit this line in somewhere:

M, exasperatedly answering Bond’s query about who would possibly want to have him killed, in “The Man With The Golden Gun”: “Jealous husbands! Outraged chefs! Humiliated tailors! The list is endless!”


You left an opening before scene 9. I tried to think of something but to me scene 8 seems quite complete. Do you have anything in mind for that? If I were you, I would just end the scene with Bond calling Ivanka and telling her that something urgent came up and that he'll return in a few days. Then he exits the building and calls a cab heading for the airport.


Also for the opening before scene 14, I tried to build a bridge between 13 and 14 but they are so unrelated, I can't think of anything. Maybe you should just leave scene 13 as it is.


Starting the Broccoli-esque intro :Bond shoots a bullet \ the bullet has a trail \ trail turns into a hair \ a golden hair


Clinton is about to lose Michigan to Bernie Sanders! Wow. Even Wayne County couldn't save her. She was up 20% or more in the last polls. This doesn't change the nomination, but it keeps Sanders in the race, and importantly, keeps campaign dollars from Clinton.

Tomi T Ahonen


the War game was excellent. I have it already in as Scene 19

Oh.. on the interruptions it the story - they don't need to 'connect' at all - don't worry, I know the 007 plot standard vehicles inside-out thats easy to tie in. they are rather 'exit options' for 'anything' to happen. It allows us to bring in Ted Cruz or Dick Cheney or Michelle Obama or whatever we want... and obviously if this seems like a Bond, he has to be facing what seems like random regular murder attempts every 4 scenes haha, so on the high way from Vegas, its a good place to have some danger happening haha...

so yeah, don't worry about the very solid 'storyline' - I would at this point much rather find funny items to throw in - like the space rocket lasers, the kink in the border fence, and haha, in Vegas of course Trump and Bond have to have their card game duel - brilliantly via chrischristie. PS we may be getting some foreign incursions coming, so its likely far more 'detours' coming than just connecting the plot as it currently is.. This card game was brilliant (as is the end scenes you've mapped)

Tomi :-)

Tomi T Ahonen


yeah.. just saw it called on CNN. Definitely upset and setback and prolongs the fight. Means it again gets ratcheted up another notch in the nastiness (nothing near Obama-Hillary 2008 and obviously GOP 2016 is a totally different animal). Like you said, also money drain/waste and delays her ability to focus attacks on Trump.

(this time I can't think of how to fit that item as a cinema script element haha, but you're already in as one of our co-authors for the Bloomberg item. Did you like how I wrote your contribution into the story?)

Tomi Ahonen :-)


[This is right after the War game]
All of a sudden, Bond feels very tired. He is certain he has been drugged again. Maybe one of those cookies, maybe the drink…
Ivanka to the security guard: Why don’t you take James to his quarters. He seems really tired. And make sure he won’t be able to go anywhere. You know what you have to do.
Yes Mrs. Trump.
Bond can barely move his feet. The security guard helps Bond leave the scene.
Trump: These Englishmen can’t hold their liquor. Total losers.
Ivanka: I’m tired too. I’ll go to bed. Good night.
***Scene in Bond’s bedroom***
For the second time Bond wakes up in the middle of the night in a bed with the hands and the feet tied to the bed. Luckily this time he was prepared. He still has the pin taped on his pinkie. The tape has the exact color of his skin, so it went undetected. He retrieves the pin and to his surprise, manages to unlock the handcuffs. Just out of curiosity he checks the handcuffs. Of course, made in China. The door is locked and this time he's out of luck. The pin is just too small for this lock. He hears a faint noise in the next room. He jumps in the bed and pretends to be asleep. The door opens. Ivanka is wearing an all-latex outfit and she's carrying a whip.
-I'll show you what Trump torture is like and you'll learn the hard way.
As she cracks the whip, Bond takes hold of the whip and easily overpowers her. He handcuffs her. Through the window he can clearly see he is still in Las Vegas. In the next room on a desk there is a laptop. The user name is trumpty. Bond without hesitation types the password: dumpty. Bingo!
Bond sets the hidden files visible. And there it is. A folder named Super-Secret looks promising. He couldn't be more wrong. The folder is full of KKK propaganda material. Duh! Bond closed the folder. He was disappointed. Everybody knew that he Grunt Lizard of the KKK, David Puke, is a longtime friend of Trump's.
He was about to shut down the laptop when a file got his interest. The name of the file was “Dinasty.docx” It contained a family tree of Trump’s. A name immediately stood up. Auric Goldfinger. Apparently Trump was Auric’s bastard and the mother was a certain Nutte Drumpf. Suddenly everything started to make sense. Trump was certainly much more dangerous than he appeared. Bond realized that he must immediately alert M.
[Here is a possible opening for how Bond learns of Trump’s plans, and/or maybe another trip to London]
In the morning Trump sends the body guard to fetch Bond. Half a minute later the guard returns panting hard:
-Boss, he’s gone! Ivanka is handcuffed in his bed!
Trump realizes that the FBI is aware of his plan. He must run. He checks the security cameras in the lobby and the police was already there. He sends Melania, Ivanka and Christie downstairs. He had already given Christie precise instructions for jamming all bridges in Manhattan. There he plans to make his last stand.
Trump to himself: I’ll set the Trump Hotel on fire. That will keep the police away for a while. The building is insured. It should bring a good profit.
***Trump Hotel roof scene***

Trump is on the roof of his Trump tower and the tower is ablaze. Trump realizes that he's lost his iPhone so he can't call the helicopter. The platform is burning. Out of nowhere appears Elop and hands him a Lumia. Trump tries to call but the phone freezes. He must reboot it. At last he can make the call. His personal helicopter appears after a few minutes and picks him up. He yells at the pilot:
-Faster, you idiot!
The pilot turns his head toward Trump so that Trump can see his face.
-The name is Bond, James Bond.
***The prison scene***
Trump is at the barber's shop inside the prison.
I beg of you, please, stop! This is no ordinary hair. This is a brand. It's worth 3.3 B, for Christ's sake!
The barber doesn’t budge. After the hair is gone Trump is taken to his cell. His inmate number is written in golden digits on the back of his outfit.
As Trump enters the cell the door is locked behind him. His roommates watch him with interest. Trump is thinking: These losers will immediately submit to my leadership.
- Listen guys, I am the most famous man in the world. You don’t recognize me because I have a new haircut. My name is Donald Trump. I've lost my golden fleece but I still have great words, the best words in the world. I will make Alcatraz great again. You should be grateful for having me here...
One of the roommates smiles and rudely interrupts him:
- Oh, you have no idea how glad we are. Make no mistake, the fact that you and I are in the same cell is not a coincidence. My name is Joaquin Guzman. Friends call me El Chapo. Welcome to our little room. These are my associates Alfredo Vasquez-Hernandez and Margarito and Pedro Flores and they will make sure you will grasp the full meaning of the word "rapist".
The movie ends with Cielito Lindo as the credits start descending.


Hi Tomi,
I know this part of the story is a bit to steep (short) but I ran out of ideas, and I'd rather not write stuff just for the sake of making it longer. If you can add some more meat to this part, it can definitely be improved.


Why would Clinton attack Trump?
Trump is attacking himself ferociously, for free.
Besides, he is not an opponent worthy of her. She should ignore him. He is clearly not worth her wasting her breath on him.
Sanders is a more worthy opponent than Trump.
Funds are not a problem for Clinton. Bloomberg will help her if necessary.


Wow! So far Marco Rubio has accumulated a grand total of 0 delegates in three states. Hawaii should yield a few delegates but his momentum going to Florida is gone, baby, gone! I just can't see him winning Florida.

Tomi T Ahonen

BTW hey Winter..

I have been trying to get somehow you shoe-horned into the story as a contributor. That comment was a bit tough to achieve haha... but think of the story as it went/sits now. can you think of some way you could see the cheating happening (and cornelius, lets let Winter first take a crack at it, you worry about the bigger issues on your plate haha)

or other angles, ignore it that this is a Bond script. Just if something hits you, here is where Bond could use super-duper-hyper Big Data magical math solutions .. or just big or small idea of cheating by Chrischristie in the simple game of War or by Trump or Bond anywhere in the story... or whatever else. You are emotionally invested in our story enough, you might think of a little tinkering somewhere, then we can also fairly add you as a contributor :-)

Bond James Bond :-)

Tomi T Ahonen

Hey cornelius and catriona

I hate to say 'please don't post comments' haha in a blog comment thread - especially to you two who are so nicely often here with me whatever the topic happens to be.

BUT because we're using this comment thread as the draft text place for the 007 script, lets move the Presidential Election (real world) race discussion to the previous thread, where the full season prediction is, ok? I am deleting comments here as we get the items into the story. I don't want to delete your comments which are 'real content' comments not draft text for the script. But it makes this discussion thread then confusing for random new contributors to the script. Ok?

(and catriona.. you're already a contributor to the scipt. If you feel inclined to toss in a fave jab at any political issue - I recognize us making the GOP the criminal organization and Trump our head villain - its not inherently fertile territory but I'd be happy to entertain broad latitude for you to submit some jab(s) also at the DEMs side into the story as it is evolving. I'd like this story to really connect with political junkies like us - and it will need to have then also good attacks on DEMs not just the GOP side. so feel free. And even a simple one-line idea is welcome if you want to try, like how I flushed out your Bloomberg is quitting into parts of two scenes in the script)

Tomi Ahonen :-)

Tomi T Ahonen


EXCELLENT ending. Now. We (should) get more contributions from people on TW who said they want to contribute and I am expecting we may get some international twists to the plot. I appreciate the great effort to find the story come to an end. I'll put all of those elements into the story, I think we can write the end scenes now as you have it nicely cleaned up and flushed out. Excellent.

But don't despair, I won't let the work end haha (you don't need to do anything more, you've done a heroic effort already - but you are OF COURSE allowed to do as much more as you want). So I'll plug the parts in as separate scenes with holes in the plot to let us add parts and expand the story still.

The one big part we have to get in, is the blackadderish cunning ploy part, the megalomaniac space lasers world destruction standard threat part. I'm working on it, its the evolution of that Mexican Wall story (thanks for the billboard idea!!)

I would prefer anyone with ideas, however small or large, come in and contribute, rather than me forcing my 'kind of predictable Bond script' angles. One of the things I'm thinking about is the space laser - this being Trump, there will be some sleazy Trumpian scam going to sell gullible American TV viewers a bogus 'laser magnet' or some utterly unworkable gadget promising it with Trump, and that to be used to finance his TrumpX space project.

So in your ending script, I'll break it into parts, to allow the return to The Wall to do something there maybe. It might be that Bond awakens there in Mexico. We want to bring the Mexican gangs into the story too.

Separately I am thinking of all sorts of nasty GOP villains to toss into the story. We should get Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh and Dick Cheney do something. Plus several of the candidates who ran. (gosh, I just thought of something for Rick Perry. See my next update haha)

So cornelius. GREAT JOB. Take a break, relax, enjoy. Read the script if you haven't done it recently, I keep sprinkling details here and there. Also - pls help me guide the script if it gets tedius and too long on some sides, just tell me Scene 11 gets boring, can you tighthen it, etc. (or feel free to take a scalpel to the text yourself).

Most of all, this is Trump. We know how Bond speaks (and Chrischristie is now cast as a mute). The audience wants to hear Trump as the Bond Villain. They want to hear Trump as the same Trump on TV but now doing it as the villain. I think that could be much of the funniest lines similarly to how Dr Evil is the real star of Austin Powers.

So if you can think of anywhere, where some dialogue - esp that for Trump (but you've done Ivanka very well too!) then that I think would be awesome. And don't fear throwing nasty curve balls at me and parts I wrote into the story. I'd love to find it more unpredictable :-)

and more cameos.

Tomi Ahonen :-)

Tomi T Ahonen

Oh, cornelius and all in the thread

I'm working on keeping the HAIR as the story too. We need the mystery of the the hair - so I have the way figured out of how to get the DNA sample.. then we get it to London and I had it as the way to solve the Auric Goldfinger angle. I like the way you did it cornelius. The password things etc we have to put in most def. Also David Duke. But the goldfinger-dad-connection, I'll bring that in via DNA and the captured single hair.. :-)

but also - anyone - if you can think of whatever evil can be accomplished with delivering Trump's deadly killer hair boxes to political enemies... feel free to submit ideas. Our readers will probably be fans of US politics and they should discover as many of their fave names/characters suddenly in the story - and possibly in surprising roles. (Rumsfeld the rental car guy)

Tomi Ahonen :-)

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