My pick of 100 or so Favorite Jokes Related to Dr Ben Carson Ridicule on Twitter (in no particular order)

Late last week, Republican Presidential front-runner, highly respected former neurosurgeon Dr Ben Carson, also an author of a plethora of books, was caught in some, should we say inconsistencies at least, if not lies. It kept getting worse over the weekend and now several of his most inspirational stories from his books and speeches are found to have no merit, or have no evidence that they occurred. It ignited a firestorm of ridicule that was trending on Twitter under the hashtag #BenCarsonWikipedia for much of the weekend. I haven't seen as much jokes against any one candidate at any time before in such enormous volume in such a short time. Not Sarah Palin, not Mitt Romney, not Governor Oops ie Rick Perry nor Captain Moonbase Newt Gingrich.

I joined in the Twitter fun and will post two blogs about it. This is my favorites collection of what others wrote, after a lot of consternation, selected my approx 100 favorites out of tens of thounsands of jokes I read over the past 3 days. For those readers who know who Dr Carson is and what all is involved with his current controversy, go ahead and read through. For those readers (my audience is worldwide) who don't know much about Dr Carson, please first skip to the bottom of this blog, there is a 'Dr Ben Carson Primer' for you. It explains the background briefly but covering the areas where he is known to say weird stuff like that Egypitian pyramids were not tombs for pharaohs but rather he believes pyramids were built to store grain. Stuff like that. Most of the jokes don't make much sense if you don't know his various statements That section is clearly marked on the bottom of this blog.

I am posting two blogs about Dr Ben Carson related jokes. This first blog contains my picks of about 100 of my favorite jokes by others. So without any further ado, here are my fave jokes relating to Dr Carson. Remember, the theme is this is the kind of stuff he supposedly has also said: As if a Wikipedia was built according to beliefs and sayings of Dr Carson.

The term algorithm is named after Al Gore, the inventor of the internet
Bryan @bwguenther

The Pentagon has five points and so does a pyramid.  Coincidence or secret wheat storage facility?
Dallas Kincaid @dallaskincaid

At one point Ben Carson was asked to join the Wu Tang Clan. It was an informal offer…
Scott Wooledge @Clarknt67

If the Bible proves that God exists, then Marvel Comics prove that Spider-Man exists. 
Internet Junkie @LordScruffbert

Mother loved to sing "If I had a hammer," around the house, so I hit her in the head. We had that kind of relationship. 
Jay @ligonlaw

Every time you eat angel hair pasta, someone in Heaven goes bald. 
Charles @rev_chas

Gravity is a liberal lie. Because birds. And planes. 
Kevin Hunsicker @KevOCCRN

If you play that funky music, you will die. 
Mike Sorohan @mikesorohan

Ben Carson chastises Bill Cosby for using Quaaludes instead of a hammer.
AEGreallive @AEGreallive

One of God's greatest miracles is that circular saws cut in a straight line. 
Mrs Pierce @AlanaPierce17

Tepee is actually an old Cherokee word that roughly translates to "Tent Where Only Grain is Stored" or "Grain Pyramid" 
Jeremy Blomberg @WISJeremy

As a surgeon, I was known not so much as a thinker, but more of a stabber.
Jay @ligonlaw

Muslims attack America because of our freedom, but not Canada. Their freedom isn't as free as ours. 
Michael Johnson @Shaddus

The lost city of Atlantis sank into the ocean because it was run by Democrats 
Gamblor @gamblor5555

While everyone was Kung Fu fighting, I was stabbing people. 
Ruddy @Ruddy1422

Peking Duck was invented in China during the Duck Dynasty
Diane M @dmspeech 

The Pyramids were built from a blueprint on the One Dollar Bill
Batman @DZBatman

Getting real tired of correcting everyone...for the last time...I AM A GRAIN SURGEON. 
Christopher Cibelli @ChrisC_Comedy

Olof is the other reindeer that mocks Rudolph. He used to laugh and call him names. 
JR De Leon @j_DeLeon17

Sure you laugh at Ben Carson now, but come winter you'll be begging for his stored pyramid grain
Mr. Awesome @senorawesomeguy 

The agency in charge of US farm policy is the EIEIO. 
Chris Colby @ColbyBrewery

Anne Franke was a world and olympic hide and seek champion in the early 40s
dontactthemaggot @blindrighteye

BC actually means Before Carson
Carol @CUSunset

To show he wasn't a one-trick pony, Moses created the Panama Canal by parting the Isthmus of Panama 
Scott Turner @scottwturner00

But I told Westmoreland I wanted to keep cutting people open 
QuiltandDagger @quiltanddagger

Was the only drummer to leave Spinal Tap while alive. 
Pumpkin Pievan Drago @Lt_JerkFace

The Leaning Tower of Pisa can be fixed with Viagra. 
Jebus Man @SkyDaddysBoy

I am a hetero sapien. Homo sapiens go to hell. 
Not_Gonna_Do_It @ke_da_vo

In the Old Testament, the Ark is short for Arkansas. 
Robert Clark Young @wryandsardonic

God took water away from Mars as punishment for its marxist viewpoints. 
Krislynn99 @Krislynn99

Jesus had 12 Apostles. It would've been 13, but I stabbed 1 & was saved bc Jesus was also attacked by the liberal media. 
Yem Phan @PhanYem 

Sex for pleasure is a liberal conspiracy to put people in a good mood 
Brian Magee @LickingMyElbow

My mom always told me I was named after her favorite clock, Big Ben 
Ben Solomon Carson @BenCarsonWiki

Socialists in Finland, Sweden, and Norway are conspiring against American capitalism by NOT treating workers like shit. 
MarkOfTheBeast @MMarkOftheBeast

The Beach Boys caused global warming when they released "Endless Summer." 
Mike Sorohan @mikesorohan

Only Ben Carson knows where where Tom Brocaw is. 
Michael Connor @hippiechicken12

Canadians are dangerous when they molt 
dm gillis @dmgillis

Has vivid memories of epic things that happened to other people. 
Samael B. Wolf  @SamaelBWolf

Carson is pretty certain of what happened in Egypt almost 5000 years ago, but not Detroit 50 years ago.  
P. @zazenpractise

At a minimum, 74% of the Founding Fathers played professional ice hockey.
GTJamesDad @gtjamesdad

I played rock, knives, hammers with my imaginary friends. 
DanPaul @DanPaul

Sharks are just dolphins who haven’t found God yet.
John LaDue @laduejohn

Airplanes were invented by the Right Brothers.  You wouldn't except it from the Wrong Brothers.  
Robert Clark Young @wryandsardonic

Ben Carson got recruited to be in TLC and the group was originally called BLT. 
Hirsch @RealHirsch

Ben Carson's voice has two settings: Whisper and Silence.
LT3 @LayCLou27

When Ben speaks about Ben's past, he doesn't mean that Ben actually did what Ben said Ben did OR even that Ben was there.
Daniel H @dhollow1911

Herman Cain was right, there is a Bekki Bekki Stan. 
Erin @DidSum1SayDrink

"leaves fall off the trees in autumn because they're scared of the cold.  Pine trees are a braver species"
studiolaguna @studiolaguna

Farts are God's way of reminding us to purchase a gun. 
Star Destroyer @KimJongJeff

Evolution is just a theory I base my decisions on facts like the Bible. 
DanPaul @DanPaul

Jesus also wanted to stone Mary Magdalene but I convinced him she was a poor victim of planned parenthood & he relented 
Tina @trcfwtt

It's important to be alert because we need more lerts. 
Robert Clark Young @wryandsardonic

Isaac Newton faked gravity to cover his habit of dropping things 
susana wolfe @smwol298

I told Teddy Roosevelt it's "Speak softly and carry a big KNIFE" (not stick!)
alison wonderland @Alisonnj

The Northern Lights are God's protest to socialist Scandinavian health care.~Ben Carson 
Christopher Korp @ChristopherKorp

If the London Bridge hadn't been forced onto Obamacare, it wouldn't have been falling down..
Jason Foss @captfoss

Bow ties were invented by David Bowie, both the pasta and the actual tie. 
4th Sanderson Sister @oceandusttt

Mitt - binders full of women::Ben - pyramids full of grain
von_Jules @von_Jules

I was once a member of Bone Thugs n Harmony. They saw me stab a guy at Popeyes. 
Erin @DidSum1SayDrink

1+1=2. ... ... No. Wait. That doesn't seem right... I bet those 1's are storing grain....
ash ley @Maevistra

If an egg in water sinks, eat it. If it floats, it's a witch. If it changes color, the devil made it gay in prison. 
Giga-Dweebess @MeddedK8

Type O blood has round corpuscles. Type A blood has triangular corpuscles with little feet. 
Randall (Randy) Winn @rewinn

You should never open your eyes more than just a squint, because that's how Satan gets in. 
Ricky @bug_nerd

I let Jesus take the wheel, because he's white and won't get pulled over
Jack Schmack @JackTimar

I told Prince it should be "Purple Brain"...he didn't listen
alison wonderland @Alisonnj

When Jesus said "turn the other cheek" he was actually referring to butt stuff.  
Adam Foster @dadamfo1

The Amazon rain forest should be available for kindle 
Diane Howell @DianeHowell11

Ben Carson walks into a bar.................. and stabs everyone. 
Dan Rivers @RiverzDaniel

If a woman became president, the rest of congress would menstruate by association  
Stefny Gray @Stefxtastic

Tower of Pisa was built to store Italian grain, but they put too much in, so that's why it leans  
Roger Peña @Roger_Pena54

Guns reduce gun violence, which is why the safest place on Earth is in a war 
Wisco @Wisco 

I was offered a threesome with Halle Berry & Charlize Theron, but I turned it down.  
BrownEyedGrrrl @CarlaCa75380227

China made Uzbekibekistanstan pay for the Great Wall.  
Kisco75 @Kisco75

I wrote the book of love.
LaKremer @cpkremer 

The Statue of Liberty was actually a Trojan horse, but the French forgot to put their army inside  
SanDiegoLife @bart3467

Fort Knox is where government keeps daylight savings. As POTUS I'll return it and end bedtime forever
billypollina @billypollina

If those slaves had had guns they wldn't have had to build pyramids & they wld have all starved. See how Jesus works? 
Tina @trcfwtt

Gay is a choice. People go into the Catholic priesthood straight, and when they come out, they're gay. 
Blake Linton @BlakeLinton

The Boston Tea Party happened because Americans like coffee and not tea. 
David House Campbell @salukidc

The Swiss army uses a Ben Carson knife. 
Paula Martino @PaulaMartino5

Leaving a sponge in a child's brain after surgery helps them absorb more knowledge!
alison wonderland @Alisonnj

Jack the Ripper didn't have to hide because of the murders, but because he was gay 
Diane Howell @DianeHowell11

Niagara Falls was created by Moses to free the Canadians. 
half day @notjoshaxelman

Ben Carson was the voice behind Milli Vanilli
kat @katsworld500

"I never needed an Anesthesiologist for surgeries. That's what hammers are for".
AEGreallive @AEGreallive

Next Carson autobiography, "A Grain of Truth" 
Ken Mathis @KenMathis

If you say "main stream media" after a lie, the lie doesn't count. Like saying "with all due respect" or "no offense" 
Neil Rockind @neilrockindlaw

What doesn't kill you means you were probably wearing a belt buckle 
Mr. Awesome @senorawesomeguy

Like grain through the hourglass, so are the pyramids of out time.
Alexandra Papadopoul @alexisme_1 

Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a grain farmer 
rmlwright @rmlwright

Everything the media says about Ben Carson is a lie. Everything he says is a lie too. Damned liberals. 
Michael Johnson @Shaddus

Exodus is a band made up of the guys who left genesis 
Drew D'Amato @drewdamato

Old Jewish saying: "If you give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Or you can stab him" 
Wisco @Wisco 

Ben Carson once brought a knife to a gun fight and won. 
Johnny Z. Irish @johnnyzirish

Amazon women are the only women in the world named after a corporation 
David Robinson @ItsMrRobinson2U

If you throw spaghetti at a wall and it sticks, you are pregnant. If it doesn't stick, it's rabies. 
SuileanGorm @SuileanGorm

Gravity is a liberal farce created to bring down R. Kelly. 
Whiffin Reaganfarts @Ismellshitheads

Romans tried to crucify Ben Carson, but he told them "I think you want that guy". 
C. Jeffrey Smith @CJSmith7880

"Debates are hard without bricks, baseball bats, hammers and knives".
AEGreallive @AEGreallive

I adopted a Highway, baptized it, and saved it from its long treacherous journey to Hell. 
EndOfThread @bmetzmetz

Walmart was originally founded as a store that strictly sold walls. 
Cheyanne Gough @CheyanneJG

Solar energy isn't sustainable. We need to preserve sunlight to grow coal. 
Christian Walters @DigitalLitGG

Breastfeeding female babies creates lesbians. 
Trey David Wood @TreyDavidWood

Skyscrapers are important because they hold up the sky. 
Jonathan Sprayberry @JFairchild0153

So those were my absolute top faves of all the Tweets posted related to this topic. Obviously very wide scope, some are not really related to Dr Carson specifically, just conveniently close enough to fit in this area, some are very clever but some need a very particular angle to even get it from various areas from popular culture to political history etc. And some are just supremely silly. Absolultely loved them, my cograts to all the people who Tweeted those. Now just as a teaser, let me do the Top 12 of my own jokes on that same topic, and the rating is based on which were most popular on Twitter. Note the above are not taking any consideration of whether the joke was popular, it is my choice of what I considered funniest (why, because this is my blog) but I can't hope to judge my own jokes, so these are based on the common judgement of the Twitterati, as a bonus for you:

BONUS - TOP 12 MOST LIKED JOKES ON BEN CARSON WIKIPEDIA THEME, AUTHORED BY ME
As authored by Tomi T Ahonen/HatRat 
And ranked by total cumulative Twitter engagements over 72 hours

12th most liked:
Some children have imaginary friends; I had an imaginary childhood
Tomiahonen @tomiahonen
(23 Twitter engagements)

at 11th best joke:
Not West Point military academy, gosh. I meant to say I was accepted to On Point, the ballet dancing academy
Tomiahonen @tomiahonen
(25 Twitter engagements)

at number 10:
Reindeer are regular deer who were left out in the rain, and they shrunk
Tomiahonen @tomiahonen
(26 Twitter engagements)

9th most liked joke:
When the previous Pope visited Detroit, he invited me to join the Papal Conclave in the Vatican. I turned it down
Tomiahonen @tomiahonen
(35 Twitter engagements)

at lucky number 8
Hitchcock conceived his movie Psycho after he met me in Detroit and I told him about my violent youth with the knife
Tomiahonen @tomiahonen
(36 Twitter engagements)

At James Bond’s number 7
Why did the Egyptian cross the road? To carry the grain to the pyramid
Tomiahonen @tomiahonen
(38 Twitter engagements)

The 6th most liked joke
As thanks for writing about evolution, Satan rewarded Darwin with eternal life. Darwin lives in Kenya. Obama is his son
Tomiahonen @tomiahonen
(40 Twitter engagements)

at number 5
In addition to West Point, I was accepted to South Park, the North Pole, and Bruce Springsteen's East Street Band
Tomiahonen @tomiahonen
(42 Twitter engagements)

the 4th most liked joke
Guns don't kill people, knife stabs don't kill people, hammers don't kill people; Obamacare kills people
Tomiahonen @tomiahonen
(102 Twitter engagements)

At 3rd best joke
Pyramids? Grain storage. Lenin's tomb? Grain storage. Taj Mahal? Grain storage. Eiffel Tower? Cemetery obviously
Tomiahonen @tomiahonen
(158 Twitter engagements)

At 2nd and runner up
Sarah Palin agrees with me. She can see the pyramids from her porch
Tomiahonen @tomiahonen
(193 Twitter engagements)

and the most liked Dr Carson joke:
I met Ronald Reagan on his Detroit visit, he offered me full scholarship to the Electoral College, but I turned it down
Tomiahonen @tomiahonen
(268 Twitter engagements)

 

The above humor by Tomi T Ahonen/HatRat for comedy purposes only, November 2015. No Carsons were stabbed, no Republicans were hit by hammer, no conservatives were struck by baseball bat; and no Democrats were interrogated by Benghazi committee in the generation of this joke. All of the above may be freely shared and used, but please include a link to this blog if you find that practical to your use.

If you would like to read a couple dozen more of MY jokes on this theme, if the above were good enough to your tastes, then check out the Part 2 to this blog. My 30 most popular jokes on the Dr Carson topic as voted via Twitter (and some bonus jokes).


Thats it. If you want thousands, literally, thousands more, go to Twitter to the hashtag #BenCarsonWikipedia (it doesn't need to be capitalize as I did) and click on the 'Live' button on the top, there you find an amazing collection of this kind of humor, if thats your thing...It would probably take you two full days just to read each joke once. Please do indicate with likes and retweets those that you enjoyed, so the author of the Tweet knows you liked their creativity and sense of humor. Meanwhile, I will soon post the top most favorites of my over 300 jokes on this topic, based on what my Twitter followers have liked and retweeted. So we'll see what they thought were the funniest (a few or maybe most of the above 5 are in that set)

Meanwhile.. if you want to read my previous blog about political humor related to this year, I did the cast analysis of this year's Clown Car, how actually most characters are recasts of past popular politicians now played by newer actors. It is here Clown Car is a Recast. My previous attempt at a series of Twitter-related jokes was with the Romnesia theme in 2012, the most popular Tweets from those jokes are here. 

If you're interested in my political analysis, my just-finished major treatise of why Dr Ben Carson has such a strong following, written just earlier last week before this mess exploded, that I entitled 'Cult of Carson' is here. The previous political blog was the latest debate review, here. And a very detailed review of all candidates on both sides, in the first edition of the 2016 Form Book which is the first such analysis that covers all areas not just polling and funding but things such as the delegate math and home-field advantages, billionaire support etc The 2016 Form Book first edition for mid October, is here.

NOTE - the normal topic of this blog is mobile, tech and media. My latest analysis of the smartphone market is here. 

DR BEN CARSON PRIMER

But before we get to the jokes, most who read this blog are not that intensely involved in US politics, that they won't quite understand the intensity of the outburst and why some of the issues might be subject matter to jokes. So lets do a brief overview of Dr Ben Carson first, the factual side leading to this, so you understand, and you will have the context to also appreciate the jokes more. I will be brief...

Dr Ben Carson is a genuine world-class brain surgeon .He performed some pioneering operation on separating Siamese twins for example. He is now retired and he now writes books and does speeches. Apparently most if not all his speeches are to non-medical audiences, various political and religious groups. Dr Carson is the current leader in the polls for the Republican nomination. He is extremely religious, a member of the protestant Christian denomination known as Seventh Day Adventists. Dr Carson believes in the literal interpretation of the Bible so he believes the world is only 6,000 years old and that all the stories in the Bible are literally true. Again, nothing inherently wrong with that, but it does mean he is quite extreme.

It gets more hairy with how he speaks about it. So a medical doctor, ie a scientist. How does Dr Carson think evolution squares with his interpretation of the events in the Bible. Dr Carson believes that Satan corrupted Charles Darwin to perpetuate the fraud of evolution. (Yeah, that is how he believes it). Then it gets worse. He - a medical doctor - won't accept the almost unanimous medical community view that being gay is not voluntary. That you are 'born that way'. Dr Carson thinks - and he says this frequently - that being gay is a choice. He recently said that evidence of that is that when people go to prison they turn gay there. And now the worst we learned that was some of the best fuel for the jokes. Dr Carson thinks all archeologists and all Egyptologists are wrong, that Dr Carson's wacky theory is instead correct - that the Egyptian Pyramids were built as grain storage. Yes, this is the leading candidate that the Republican party voters think should be president. All scientists are wrong and Dr Carson - who is not in any way an amateur Pyramid student who would have lived months there studying them, just by his 'logic and reasoning' has come to the conclusion that hundreds of years of study, and recent things such as radar images of the pyramids, plus the TEXTS IN THE PYRAMIDS written by the builders - are all wrong. They are not burial temples, they are grain storage buildings (even as the stone walls are totally sold with no space to store anything).

This is not something that a young teenager crazy Dr Carson once said and long since has abandoned. He was saying these Pyramid theories still this year (as well as the gay choice and Darwin and Satan) and when he is confronted that all Egyptologists agree on the commonly accepted view, he says he doesn't care, he is convinced he is correct. So this is delusion. Then lets take the other part. His weird stories about his own past.

You need to know, if you have not seen him talk, that Dr Ben Carson, a big black man in his 60s, speaks in the most quiet voice, almost in whispers, and he speaks excruciatingly slowly. I am sure no normal person meaning someone who is not at their death bed, or is not clinically insane, speaks normally slowly as Dr Ben Carson does. But listen to him, watch him speak, it is the slowest and most quiet of anyone in politics. So he is a 'gentle' man, very mild-mannered, extremely soft-spoken. He also often has his eyes closed when he speaks, as if he was reaching inside his brain, or perhaps, he is nearly in a trance. A massive contrast to almost all politicians even under normal years, even more so now in the year of Donald Trump, Chris Christie and Carly Fiorina. Because Dr Carson is the most religiously fanatical, extremist politician this year in the race, he is more extreme religious than the former Baptist Preacher and former Governor Mike Huckabee, as well as more religious than the former Senator Rick Santorum - the extreme 'evangelical and born-again' Christian wing of the Republican party absolutely love Dr Carson. And what they regularly point out is that they love the WAY he speaks. In addition to often WHAT he says, they all love HOW he speaks. He speaks so gently with that doctor's bed-side speaking tone. They don't like the hostility in politics and Dr Ben Carson's voice is nearly hypnotic, it is so soothing.

So Dr Carson has a reputation for being gentle, intelligent and .. wise. It is what his fervent followers use time and gain, Dr Carson is so wise. And they love it, that Dr Carson has undergone a religious transformation in his youth.

That sounded weird, didn't it. Yes. Dr Ben Carson is known to have been a violent juvenile delinquent as a teenager, so dangerous he attacked classmates with knives, bricks, chains-with-locks and even a baseball bat. He once attacked a friend with a knife with intent to kill, stabbed him but a metal belt buckle saved the victim's life. Also he once attacked his mother with a hammer. A very troubled and indeed dangerous young thug. The kind of bully we all remember from school, made all the more frightening as he is clearly a large black man, and often speaks to rooms where everybody else is white. So the image of this man five decades earlier as the kind of gangster-youth is vivid and frightening. But as he speaks in that quiet, patient, slow voice, he is not the least bit threatening. And he retells that story of redemption all the time because at age 14, he discovered Christ and repented and changed overnight. This is exactly the perfect story of a religious miracle that the extremely religious love to hear and are vulnerable to believe. Yes, they are gullible to this very type of story. Because they have to believe it, it has been in a movie life story of Dr Ben Carson. And its been chronicled in his books. It has to be true. And what a life-affirming, religiously motivating story. A genuine miracle. From homicidal pathological juvenile delinquent, to Yale University, to medical school, to world-famous brain surgeon. God works in mysterious ways.

Except that is all bullshit. Last week the story started to unravel on Thursday when first news broke that CNN had gone to interview 10 of Dr Carson's classmates, all the way back to elementary school and up to high school. They all tell the same story. That young Ben Carson was a kind, quiet guy, who studied hard, was a bookworm, had thick spectacles, wore a plastic pen-protector for his shirt pocket (a sure sign of being a geek and the object of riducle by the bullies of his class, not the sign of being a bully himself) and that there was no incident that anyone remembers of him attacking anyone. Not with even his hands, far less baseball bats, bricks, chains-and-locks, or a knife. The whole story of the miraculous religious transformation is a crock. He has fabricated an imaginary youth so that religious gullible audiences would accept him to come speak to their events about religious miracles and conversion and motivation.

And it gets worse, He wrote in his books and regularly bragged about while he was accepted to Yale University, he also supposedly met General Westmoreland when he visited Detroit one year, and the General offered young Ben Carson a 'full scholarship' to the US Military Academy, at West Point. So he would become a professional officer in the US Army. And that Dr Carson then turned down this offered scholarship and went to study medicine instead.

Again total bullshit. There is no special scholarship to West Point like there are to almost all other universities, because like I believe in most other countries too, to study at the military officer school is free of charge for all. There are no scholarships. There is, instead, a four year (or longer) commitment after graduation to serve as an officer in the army. Duh. No scholarships. And yeah, maybe an exaggeration, but then the General. He wasn't IN DETROIT at the date Dr Carson talks about. Politico has last week been digging into this story and by Friday we knew that the Dr Ben Carson campaign had to admit, actually Ben Carson never applied for West Point, he was never offered a scholarship. This after Politico of course went to West Point enrollment recods and found no application for Ben Carson was ever accepted (to suggest he had gotten perhaps just the standard free tuition) and that no such application was never submitted. And that you can't get into West Point without a sponsor from US Senate or Congress or other high official, and no such sponsor offer letter was on record either - definitely not from General Westmoreland.

And it keeps getting worse, then there is the story of heroism when during the Martin Luther King riot in Detroit, black violent youth/reformed former youth, protected two white kids from violence. Again utter bullshit. Wall Street Journal has dug through the past and found no such evidence either. So this is our man. He now resorts to saying 'I am not a pathological liar' which to me, only goes to prove more that he is. A normal innocent man who honestly didn't lie about ANY of those things, would only say 'I didn't lie' on the one item. Only a man who is regularly caught out on frequent lies, will then go to the 'at least am not always lying, I may have lied once before, but am not now lying' route. We all know someone like that, who always lies. That is the person who resorts in desperation to the 'I am not a PATHOLOGICAL liar' which almost certainly means he is. Then there is of course the story about Popeyes restaurant. When someone asked him about modern gun violence, Dr Carson said people should all rush the attacker, and that he was not afraid, in his past, he was held at gun-point at Popeyes restaurant, but he calmly told the robber that actually the cashier has the money, not him (a customer). Yeah. Nice guy. Go kill the other one.. (this story has not been verified either, no Popeyes has any record of such thing in Detroit). Also Dr Ben Carson loves to make analogies to Hitler, analogies to the Holocaust and slavery. Like that Obamacare is like slavery or the USA would be Cuba without Fox News. That sort of things. Can't call them strictly wrong but they are of course wacko and give plenty of fodder for jokes.

So this is the context. Pyramids are grain storage, Prison makes you gay, Satan convinced Darwin to create the lies about evolution. And young Ben Carson was a violent youth who attacked classmates with knives, bats, bricks, etc. And he attacked his mom with a hammer. And he was invited to West Point on a full scholarship by none other than General Westmoreland. And he heroically defended some white kids during the riots. Meanwhile equally 'brave' man then calmly tells gun-armed robbers to rob the OTHER guy not him. Now this man - clearly a smart, gentle, trustworthy, honest, wise man is running for President. And he is leading the polling. So when the truth started to emerge, Twitter went crazy creating a comedic treasure trove of other things Dr Ben Carson might have said, or soon will say. 

Comments

[Catriona]

@Tomi, you are missing the point. Do the American people actually want a Donald Trump or Ben Carson as president? Probably not. But why are they, and Carson in particular, polling so well right now? This is protest time. The American people are fed up with the politics as usual from both parties that has left us in the current state. The real lesson is which party's establishment will figure out sooner how to tap that sentiment while nominating winning candidates. That party can own the next generation of elections. The GOP has some decent candidates at the state and local level but lacks candidates at the national level. The Democrats have the opposite problem. Whoever solves its problem first has the long term advantage.

[Tomi T Ahonen]

Hi Catriona

No, not true. its clear that the REPUBLICANS have a problem of protest. The Democrats are very happy with either Hillary or Bernie and they aren't at all disgusted by their other elected representatives either. That is totally opposite of how it is on the Republican side. At the conservative wing of the nation, the voters have been promised utterly impractical things for years, at every higher levels of hysteria, while the politicians then break all the promises. This is lopsided. There is no anger on the Democratic side and neither on the moderate Republicans. Its only the Tea Party side of the Republicans who are frustrated and angry.

But on this blog, Dr Ben Carson has become a laughing stock and deservedly so. He's already said on TV Monday that he doesn't think it fair to look through his books, that he feels no books are totally truthful - he as much as admits there are more lies in what he's been feeding his fans. There is a small core of the Cult of Carson who will stay with their idol, casting him a martyr in the teeth of the cruel liberal media. But it won't matter because the vast majority of REPUBLICANS now see that he is a total goofball. They need someone else. There is not much overlap to Donald Trump so likely the soft support from from Dr Carson goes to Cruz, Huckabee, Rubio and Santorum in whatever proportions. Some will be so crushed that they end up not voting at all.

Dr Carson has perpetuated a massive and decades-long fraud and he deserves to be ridiculed like this and more. I had no idea until last week that he has been routinely fabricating those stories to fool gullible religious voters. When the truth broke, he was exposed as one of the most callous ruthless and selfish people ever to run for office and he deserves everything that is coming to him. Good for the process that this broke this early, he will be an asterisk to the race similar to how Michelle Bachmann was last time and nobody will ever take him seriously again.

Now on solving long-term. I put it to you, that there is a set of about a dozen issues that the Republicans have been blocking in the past years some issues far longer but others only during the Obama term. Issues where the nation always was, or recently has moved, to the position that is home to the current Democrats. So again, minimum wage, student loans, carbon taxes, gun laws, changes to the tax code so that the millionaires no longer pay a smaller percentage than their secretaries, gay rights, planned parenthood, abortion, illegal immgirants, police violence, what am I now forgetting... you know, essentially the current core Democratic platform.

These are all going to be done, sooner or later. They are all issues where the US total population is far past 50% in support, to some issues as much as 70% or 80% support. If the Presidential candidate - either side - were to embrace most of those positions, and have at least one chamber of Congress, then they can advance most of those issues and make it very difficult for the other party to block it all. Now, if the President happens to come into office by a 'mandate' ie big election win, then especially in the first six month honeymoon, can get a lot of those populist things done. And who will be bitching about it bitterly - the Tea Party. But who wins the popularity and support of the electorate... yeah, whoever was that smart politician who said and pushed all those things. Exactly like how Hillary and Bernie are doing now (and obviously Bernie has no chance to be the nominee) but look at the moderates on the Republican side? Has Jeb been trying to cater to these things, no. What about Kasich or Christie? Combined the three have less support than Ted Cruz and all candidates this side of George Pataki have been running to the extreme right end of the party.

I hear you that there is a lot of anger and frustration. That is with the conservative side, not the liberal side. There is also desparation with the current leadership - on the conservative side not the liberal side. Hillary's lead and satisfaction among Democrats is about the highest any candidate has had this far out who was not the incumbent. Among Democrats. You are correctly sensing a big nationwide anger and frustration but that is only on the Republican side. And they do have to figure out how to deal with it. Luckily for the GOP the biggest loser (in the general election) Dr Carson is now out of it. But the second biggest loser is still in the lead, Donald Trump. And I think Ted Cruz could lose almost as badly as Trump, in the general, against Hillary.

Now.. I know you are quite strongly conservative-leaning in your political views. Could you find (some of) the above 100 jokes funny or were they just bugging you intensely?

Tomi Ahonen :-)

[new_guy]

"It doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure out the pyramids were buria... oh, wait." - new_guy

[Wayne Borean]

Catriona,

The only Republican politician who would stand a hope of being elected in Canada is Kasich. And even he would be unlikely to be elected. I expect the same istrue in Finland, Tomi can tell us if I'm right.

I know people in Australia and England, and they tend to think the same thing - that Republican politicians are a sad joke. That a certain portion of the Republican Party thinks these people would make decent Presidential candidates is freaking terrifying.

[Winter]

@Tomi
"No, not true. its clear that the REPUBLICANS have a problem of protest."

Your analysis is exactly the same given here. But this link has some nice, historical detail.

Days of Desperation
There’s a reason Bush, Kasich and other establishment Republicans aren’t gaining traction. Their conservatism no longer makes sense.

http://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2015/11/days-of-desperation-213329

[Winter]

@Wayne Borean
"The only Republican politician who would stand a hope of being elected in Canada is Kasich. And even he would be unlikely to be elected. I expect the same is true in Finland, Tomi can tell us if I'm right."

In the Netherlands (and much of continental Europe) Hillary would be in the right edge of the Christian Democrats, Bernie might be somewhat right of center (I am not completely sure about his ideas). The rest all fall in the Loony Extremist bin.

[Tomi T Ahonen]

Hi New, Wayne and Winter

On the US political axis, yes Hillary would be pretty close to the right wing edge of most Europeans, say on par with Margaret Thatcher. From there it goes left. Note that Bernie's 'threateningly socialist' views would be totally normal in Canada and Britain and Australia, nations that are culturally very similar to the USA but figured out long ago to give all the population free healthcare, a good education, free paid maternity leave, etc etc etc and are not so bizarrely obsessed with guns that they would suggest the answer to a mass murder at a school is ... lets arm all the teachers. Yes, we have our own nuts too but nobody in the free world has as extremist right-wing parties in power as the USA has.

But it wasn't like this always. While yes, Ronald Reagan and both George Bushes were to the right of almost any Europeans, they would be on par with the fringe edge. Not beyond it. Not the way now the current crop is just nutty from Ted Cruz to Marco Rubio to Mike Huckabee haha.. not to mention the amateurs Donald Trump, Carly Fiorina and the ultimate joke candidate, Mr Pyramids are for storing grain Dr Ben Carson.

European Socialists would look at anyone pitching Berie Sanders's current positions as if he had been corrupted by the right wing nuts. And beyond European Socialists there are the Communists. So yeah, the US Democratic party has overlap with the European right wing, and the current Republican party is almost totally beyond European views of what is to be a conservative. That being said, the USA has also 'led' in many ways with conservative thought for the rest of the planet, from deregulating and privatizing industries that once were government monopolies (airlines, telecoms, broadcasting etc) and some of their protections are admirable from the staunch defense of the First Ammendment (Freedom of Speech) to yes that particularly American idea that everybody should be allowed to own firearms (and still today, almost without limitations up to semi-military style weapons).

Tomi Ahonen :-)