On The Twelfth Day of Christmas My Elop Gave To Me.. The Classic Christmas Carol Updated for Nokia

The Classic Christmas Carol 'On The Twelfth Day of Christmas' ie 'Partridge In a Pear Tree' now updated with lyrics more relevant to the Nokia debacle. Merry Christmas to all our readers on the CDB Blog


Twelve Days of Christmas / Partridge In a Pear Tree - Updated for Nokia & Elop:

On the first day of Christmas my Elop gave to me
A new Windows strategy

On the second day of Christmas my Elop gave to me
Two dead systems
And a dumb Windows strategy

On the third day of Christmas my Elop gave to me
Three profit warnings
Two dead systems
And a fool's Windows strategy

On the fourth day of Christmas my Elop gave to me
Four killed MeeGos
Three profit warnings
Two dead systems
And a failed Windows strategy

On the fifth day of Christmas my Elop gave to me
Five ratings downgrades
Four killed MeeGos
Three profit warnings
Two dead systems
And the worst Windows strategy

On the sixth day of Christmas my Elop gave to me
Six factories a-closing
Five ratings downgrades
Four killed MeeGos
Three profit warnings
Two dead systems
And a farsical calamity

On the seventh day of Christmas my Elop gave to me
Seven quarters of losses
Six factories a-closing
Five ratings downgrades
Four killed MeeGos
Three profit warnings
Two dead systems
And a delusional fantasy

On the eighth day of Christmas my Elop gave to me
Eight Lumias a-failing
Seven quarters of losses
Six factories a-closing
Five ratings downgrades
Four killed MeeGos
Three profit warnings
Two dead systems
And a devastating tragedy

On the ninth day of Christmas my Elop gave to me
Nine Symbians still selling
Eight Lumias a-failing
Seven quarters of losses
Six factories a-closing
Five ratings downgrades
Four killed MeeGos
Three profit warnings
Two dead systems
And a self-destructive remedy

On the tenth day of Christmas my Elop gave to me
Ten execs a-quitting
Nine Symbians still selling
Eight Lumias a-failing
Seven quarters of losses
Six factories a-closing
Five ratings downgrades
Four killed MeeGos
Three profit warnings
Two dead systems
And a self-inflicted lunacy

On the eleventh day of Christmas my Elop gave to me
Eleven sad excuses
Ten execs a-quitting
Nine Symbians still selling
Eight Lumias a-failing
Seven quarters of losses
Six factories a-closing
Five ratings downgrades
Four killed MeeGos
Three profit warnings
Two dead systems
And heartbreaking misery

On the twelfth day of Christmas my Elop gave to me
Twelve failed promises
Eleven sad excuses
Ten execs a-quitting
Nine Symbians still selling
Eight Lumias a-failing
Seven quarters of losses
Six factories a-closing
Five ratings downgrades
Four killed MeeGos
Three profit warnings
Two dead systems
And a colossal catastrophe

The above lyrics adapted by Tomi T Ahonen / HatRat. No Partridges nor Pear Trees were harmed in the writing of this joke. It is the opinion of this comedian that Stephen Elop is the worst CEO of any Fortune 500 sized company ever in economic history of mankind - and should be immediately fired (and denied any compensation; and sued, and investigated for conduct against his fiduciary duty, and barred from holding any corporate office of any publically held corporation - and tarred and feathered). This lyric may be freely shared.

Comments

[kiprotich]

What a calamity! I think the auctioned HQ should also appear...BTW your site isnt friendly with my symbian phone...I mean mmmh...it isnt mobile friendly! Check this interesting read about Nokia and Apple writen several years back at
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/­ c.cgi?u=iphone"

[kiprotich]

sorry for invalid link above, I meant "thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=iphone".

[Santa Claus]

Wow! Is this Mr. Ahonen frustrated or what? Time to see a shrink Tomi...

[geektech]

That's from a Nokian priser, lover, like many around, i see Nokia new every day hoping that a big change could happend, maybe a CEO remplacement,
But bad news keep comming, more bright brains quitting, so sad.
Merry Christmas to all!

[Firecracker]

Well when even the Wikipedia article about Nokia is telling the obvious Stephen Elop is Insane like a mothafucka here is a quote from his insane fungi infested brain "While announcing an alliance with Groupon, Elop declared "The competition... is not with other device manufacturers, it's with Google" I like to see WP win the war with Google ohh well... But maybe Elop invented a way to ship handsets to other dimensions where WP is the hottest thing. I'm currently the proud owner of a Nokia C1 however when I'm buying a smartphone its going to be a Huawei ascend D1 QUAD, and not a crappy lumia with crap on it. Please note that of course I would love to buy a smartphone with an open source OS... Such as the N9 which is being praised as being better then the iPhone even though its darn old and obsolete. I mean that if Elop hadn't murdered the Meego project Nokia would be the Apple of profits in the mobile industry today. WHAT A FUCKING JERK

[Spawn]

There I had my mobile from Nokia,
since years I was a custom-a,
Elop jumped off with Nokia,
switched everything to Windows Lumia,
promised utopia,
we got a drama,
dead was that Nokia,
and born was Jolla.
SpawnThereears I was a custom-a, Elop jumped off with Nokia, switched everything to Windows Lumia, promised utopia, we got drama, dead was that Nokia, and born was Jolla.

[newbie reader]

SGS4 could be launched as early as Jan,9.

http://www.pocket-lint.com/news/48460/samsung-galaxy-s-iv-ces-2013

Samsung officially made this "Get ready for major announcement" promo:

http://www.techradar.com/news/world-of-tech/samsung-suggests-we-get-ready-for-major-ces-2013-announcement-1118234

Beware, Apple :-)

I expect Samsung to release new market leader ASAP, for the following reasons.

SGS3 has ruled the world since it launch in May, 2012.
It was undisputable #1 for almost 5 monthes, since iP 4s was too old, and rest of Android could not compete spec-wise.

However, in last three monthes, on one hand Apple somewhat caught up with its iPhone5, and on the other hand, Krait-class phones aroused, and the likes of Nexus4 now compete with SGS3 on price.

Sammy has to reestablish its leader position with 1080p screen and A15-class CPU as soon as possible.

It would be also possible, however, for Sammy to split its flagmanship into several phones.

Although it is not a very good idea marketing-wise, there are tech reasons for this.

First, clear reason is 4-core A15 vs. 2-core A15 problem.
Both have advantages and disadvantahes, and it is not clear which one to choose for mass-produced flagman phone. And one reasonable decision is to allow customer to decide, what he likes more. sth like "one phone - two CPU choices" slogan.

Second reason could be, 1080p screens availability and flexible/bendable screens problem.
It could be not wise and even not possible to make flagman phone bendable-screen based, without some pilot project.

Flagman phone is supposed to be manufactured in tens of millions, and that contradicts technology.

So, a small-quantity /and more expensive/ spin-off flagman model is also possible.

We'll see it.

[John Phamlore]

If one looks at the competition Nokia is facing, one finds without exception that each of the competition has clear defined business plans that go far beyond handsets. This is one reason Nokia's abandonment of baseband chipset development at the time of the switchover to LTE will go down as the biggest IP blunder in economic history.

Samsung wants to make everything as the national champion of Korea. In particular, what makes Samsung unique is they pay for and operate their own fabs, fabs that Apple is using at the moment, but rumored to possibly be not for long.

Huawei the national champion of China wants to be the end to end solution for all things networking. With this in mind Huawei's investment is hardly limited to handsets, no, they are using China's TD-LTE and other legacy standards used by China Mobile as the lever to force the top Western companies such as Ericsson to transfer their technology and expertise in dual TD-LTE / FDD-LTE demonstration projects, only for Huawei to no doubt a few years later introduce a completely Chinese developed solution, similar to how the Chinese developed their own version of maglev after partnering with the Germans in one demonstration project.

Qualcomm has gone in a few years from licensing IP to making their own ARM SoC, including buying the mobile graphics unit from AMD, and probably killing their main Western competitor Nokia.

Google is the applied big data AND artificial intelligence company, including hiring many of the big-named academic AI researchers.

Anyone here starting to see a pattern that the above companies have strong ties to their respective national governments, and their success is seen as part of national and economic security? That latter point is perhaps a failure of Europe, whether one sees it as a failure of the Eurozone or the EU.

[Patriot]

"tarred and feathered" . You're crazy Tomi, but f**king right. :) If Luuuumia Q4 sales are so bad as you predict and the board still keeps Gaylop, then it'll be not just worst CEO ever, but worst Board ever for any company.

[foo]

I still hope Tomi will give to us:

http://oi46.tinypic.com/1zclok1.jpg

;-)

Happy new year!!!

[Wayne Borean]

24/7 Wall Street did their 'Worst CEO' list, and missed Elop.

http://247wallst.com/2012/12/26/ceos-to-fire-in-2013/

Happy New Year to all.

Wayne

[newbie reader]

http://thedripple.com/3239/17-5-million-apple-android-devices-activated-on-christmas-day/

... nearly 17.5 million Apple and Android devices were activated on Christmas Day. The number was 2.5 times the 6.8 million activations on Christmas Day 2011 and more than 4 times the average of 4 million activations per day between Dec 1 and Dec 20

tablets accounted for 51% of the day’s activation, there were more tablets activated on Christmas that smartphones

[cycnus]

Hi Tomi,

Sorry to post it here...
a couple of weeks back you said that Rusian have their own brand, now Africa also have their own brand:
https://twitter.com/verone
http://phys.org/news/2012-12-entrepreneur-africa-designed-smartphone.html

[clash of clans Hack]

How many gamers are really going to leave Clash and start from scratch just so that they can use Samurai and Ninjas instead of Barbarians and Goblins. Typically the vital stuff are actually only some steps separate. Alliance wars last for a set amount of time and the winner is the Alliance that earned the most honor during that time.

[Deer Hunter 2014 Hack]

Now, let us focus our discussion on the origin of the chatroulettesex websites. In an effort to have hunters kill more antlerless deer (mostly does) the Division of Wildlife will propose an antlerless-only muzzleloader season for the second weekend in October. It has been rumored that she is rather difficult to work with and she has also gone through many transformations in her long and prosperous career.

[Darby]

Stephen Elop. Hahahahaha.