So now we know what Donald Trump is planning for his Convention. A number of major Republicans are boycotting his Convention. So Trump has started to prepare some counter-programming. We only know a few names like say Mike Huckabee, Mike Tyson (yes the boxer), Bobby Knight (the basketball coach) etc. But I think I have figured out what is going on. I think I know what Trump is up to. And its pretty darned brilliant. He intends to solve the Republican party's problems with the three big voter demographics. So time for a fresh piece of comedy. This is a rough outline of the preliminary speaking schedule and proposed/invited speakers:
DAY 1 - WOMEN'S OUTREACH
So Day 1 is the most thoroughly prepared day. It builds on the great success of the GOP in 2012 on its women's outreach such as Mitt Romney's Binders full of Women, Todd Akin's Legitimate Rape and of course the mandatory forced intravaginal probing of 'Governor Ultrasound' Bob McDonnell. Trump builds on this solid foundation with his favorite speakers who know women and who know rape:
Introductory Remarks by Donald Trump (real estate developer) - When a woman smiles at you when dancing, she is seeking a rapist. If she comes to your hotel room, she is is begging to be raped.
Rush Limbaugh (radio host) - The Four-time Married Man's Viewpoint - Its not rape if you know the signals: how to tell when no means yes.
Bobby Knight (former basketball coach) - The Woman's Viewpoint: If you're gonna get raped just relax, and enjoy it.
Michael Cohen (Trump's Attorney) - The Attorney's Viewpoint: Whenever a husband like Donald Trump rapes the wife like Ivana Trump, that, in legal terms is actually not rape. And I'm not saying it just because I am Mr Trump's attorney, I really am this much a scumbag, hey, I AM an attorney
SPECIAL VIDEO ADDRESS Vladimir Putin (President of Russia) - The International Angle - How multiple rapes by politicians in Israel are of course hilariously funny
Michelle Bachmann (former Congresswoman) - The Gay viewpoint: Gay marriage leads to child rape.
Mike Huckabee (former Governor of Arkansas) - The Child's viewpoint: The baby from rape is a gift from God.
Keynote: Mike Tyson (former world champion boxer and convicted rapist) - The Rapist's Viewpoint. How Mike Tyson felt when he was raping, its a painful experience that causes more hurt to the man than the woman, the real misunderstood victim is the man raping.
Closing remarks by Donald Trump:(twice divorced serial adulterer currently sued for rape) - If you are sent to prison for rape, you were railroaded.
Signs distributed to audience for Day 1 read 'MAKE AMERICA RAPE AGAIN' on one side, and 'MEN'S LIVES MATTER' on the other side
(Note the day includes an appeal to an oft-neglected minority voter group: Registered Cannibals of America - who will enjoy hearing their idol Mike 'Bite his ear off' Tyson also discuss what an ear tastes like when interlaced with the adrenaline from the heat of a boxing match)
(After the day Donald Trump will be available for press interviews together with his daughter Ivanka Trump. He will keep reminding everybody that he'd really like to bang her)
DAY 2 - HISPANIC OUTREACH
Opening remarks by Donald Trump (has-been reality TV star) - Not all judges are from Mexico
Jan Brewer (former Arizona governor) - why Hispanics don't really need to be given driver's licences
Newt Gingrich (Captain Moonbase) - why Spanish is the language of the ghetto
Rick Perry (Governor Oops) - Any wealthy Hispanic American got to be rich through connections to Mexican drug dealers.
SPECIAL MUSICAL PERFORMANCE by Ted Nugent (musician) - the beloved rockstar debuts his new tribute to racial harmony entitled 'You're a Beanochimp'
Ann Coulter (lunatic) - Why Mexican Culture is Deficient
Louie Gohmert (idiot) - How to tell if someone of brown color is actually an Islamic Terrorist not the other nasty kind of brown, a Hispanic
Keynote: Joe Arpaio (Sheriff in Arizona) - How to be friendly to Hispanics
Closing remarks by Donald Trump (six times bankrupted alleged billionaire who won't release his taxes) - Mexicans are rapists and murderers, and some, perhaps, are nice people
Signs distributed to audience for Day 2 read 'MAKE AMERICA HATE AGAIN' on one side, and 'WHITE LIVES MATTER' on the other side
(A life-sized mock-up of The Wall will be built of crushed cans and other garbage. A life-sized cardboard cut-out of Trump will be placed there for delegates to take selfies)
(After the day Trump catering will provide all with delicious Tacos)
DAY 3 - BLACK OUTREACH
Opening remarks by Donald Trump (pathological liar, serial fraudster) - Black people are lazy which is pretty disgusting, honestly. They should be beaten up. We have no choice. Believe me.
Dr Ben Carson (retired neurosurgeon) - Why Obama is not properly black
Paul LePage (Governor of Maine) - An overview of popular names in Maine, such as D-Money, Smoothie & Shifty. Also a brief history of how local white women get impregnated by visitors from out of state.
SPECIAL VIDEO ADDRESS Kim Jong-Un (Supreme Ruler of North Korea) - President Obama is a wicked black monkey, which in North Korea is considered a compliment - and by the way, monkey is darned good meat to eat too, tastes just like chicken
Dick Cheney (war criminal) - Historical perspective: why South African Apartheid leader Pik Botha was a nicer person than his over-rated prisoner Nelson Mandela
Sarah Palin (moron) - Historical counterpoint - The Federal Debt is exactly like slavery
[PENDING SPEAKER, not confirmed] Clint Eastwood (actor) - Why an empty chair is more interesting than a live black man
Rick Santorum (asshole) - Why we should not make black people's lives better
Pat Buchanan (racist bastard) - How White people today are actually oppressed by the Black people
Keynote: David Duke (former grand wizzard of the Ku Klux Klan) - A supremely white celebration of black power (with giant cross on stage, set magnificently on fire)
Closing remarks by Donald Trump (small-fingered vulgarian) - Blacks should go back to Africa, but I mean that in the nicest of ways. Besides I hear that Kenya is a nice place: our President is from there
Signs distributed to audience for Day 3 read 'MAKE AMERICA WHITE AGAIN' on one side, and 'RICH LIVES MATTER' on the other side
(Before his speech, former Vice President Cheney is kindly willing to illustrate proper shooting technique to the face of one lucky winner from the audience chosen at random)
(Speaker Lineup Note: actor Gary Busey is standing by to do the Empty Chair monologues in case Clint Eastwood is not available)
(After the day Trump will be available for press interviews. Trump will be followed everywhere in a silent, creepy way by Chris Christie)
Now, I am sure I am missing some of Trump's favorite speakers especially from sports and entertainment but this is a pretty good start. The Mitt Romney election loss autopsy was quite clear that in 2012 the Republican party had repelled major voter subgroups especially women, Hispanics and blacks. This new speaker lineup by Trump will be spectacular, and deal with those issues in a truly Trumpian way. Not unlike how Trump himself just today spoke in front of a pile of garbage while advocating protectionist trade wars, and in another speech today promised to bring back waterboarding. Looks like the Trumpster is doing everything he can to misdirect us from asking for those Tax Returns by the alleged 'Billionaire'. It looks like all systems go for Trump 2016. I wonder why all those other Republicans are boycotting this Convention
PS - if you enjoy my weird sense of humor, here is some more recent blogs relating to US politics - Wikipedia Page of The Trump Con, the worst nightmare for the Republicans from year 2017: The Hateful 8, a possible future: from Brexit to Trump to World War 3, the secret transcript of the Bill Clinton - Donald Trump telephone call, and the original view to the 2016 Presidential season: Return of the Clown Car.
PSPS - For those who want my ANALYSIS of this political race, my forecast of the Trump vs Hillary race (20 point landslide, predicted on March 6, 2016) is here. And my original forecast from October 2014 that Hillary will win in 2016 by landslide is here.
PSPSPS - my normal topics on this blog relate to technology, in particular mobile telecoms but also social media, the internet, digital media etc. A possibly relevant article is about the use of Big Data in Presidential Elections, this is the most thorough blog article anywhere about the 2012 election 'Big Data' race, Obama vs Romney datamining and targeting including metrics and measurements: The Definitive Article on Narwhal vs Orca